Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Someone shattered a urinal.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
