Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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