I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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