Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
