I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize