Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
