shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
