yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
