I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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