when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
