you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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