Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He shit in the fireplace
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
