I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
