Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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