I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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