im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize