nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
