put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
