i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
