I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
