I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
