whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
