It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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