Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pants are for mortals
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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