Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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