You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize