I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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