Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
