Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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