I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i drank out of a bidet.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
