you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
