if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
