i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize