It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She bit a glass in half.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
