So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
