great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
