You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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