Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
