Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
