So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
