What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We talked him into tasing himself.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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