Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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