I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
