You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
