So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
