at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
