I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
