I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize