I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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