Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
