I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
