I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
