There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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