The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
