I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
