Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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