there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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