If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
