I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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