ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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