He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
