Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
