and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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