How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
