to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it's like heaven, but drunker
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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