I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
