Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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