i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can I color on your dick again?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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