If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
