Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
