My room smells like vodka and shame
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Two words: nipple clamps
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