Kiss
Puke
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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