so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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