Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
