I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
