Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
