Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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