Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
