Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
