uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
