That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize