Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
