yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
