the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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