I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize