i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
