Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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