Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
