we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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