He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
