you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My vagina is very pro this idea
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
