rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
