mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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