Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
