hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
