Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
