I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He did a backflip because drugs
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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