Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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